Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
