Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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