My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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