I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
