why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
