she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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