i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
