She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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