and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
