He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize