I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize