Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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