I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
