I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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