turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
