Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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