sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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