u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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