yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
