He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
