I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
