I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
