her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
