she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
