i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
