I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
