:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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