My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
