She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
