I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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