oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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