She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
