jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
