I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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