I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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