exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
