How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
