You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
