I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
