porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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