He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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