I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
