I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
