Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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