Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Mom said you looked used
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
