So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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