you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
