walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
