she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
