I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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