he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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