People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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