I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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