i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
