Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
