Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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