the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
