Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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