Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
