Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
