Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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