Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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